You are viewing [info]infraredbikes's journal

You've got the love I need to see me through

I know I can count on you

libre

Jackass


Navigation

May 24th, 2012

(no subject)

5/24/12 11:55 pm
Add to Memories Share
Jackass
I'm such a loser blahblahblah can't even discipline myself to not eat fattening food or exercise or to even having the motivation to lose weight. fat ass fat ass I really wish the people who kept calling me fat behind my back back in STC would do so right now, it motivated me to lose so much weight and then I gained it all back when I got depressed and then I lost it again when I got that weird E.D last year and then I gained it back again after I stopped smoking wtf is this shit. Please please please help me I really wanna lose weight I hate being the fat friend or the one who has to wear black all the time to look less fat or the one who has to stand at the back of pictures or the one who has to use her hair to make her face look smaller. I simply hate being fat nobody likes to be fat unless you're delusional or something I don't know I REALLY HATE FEELING THIS WAY I KEEP TELLING MYSELF "okay diet starts now! ok mum cooked a nice dinner it's rude to not eat so diet starts tomorrow." "run 5km later oh fuck I'm exhausted thanks to school oh well another day then" "oh it's okay to indulge every now and then. which is everyday"  

I FEEL THE WORSE AND UGLIEST RIGHT NOW I'M SO FULL OF ANGST I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I JUST TYPED.
Add to Memories Share

May 7th, 2012

(no subject)

5/7/12 11:53 pm
Add to Memories Share
Jackass
As I watch several of my friends grow spiritually, I start to reminisce about how I used to attend church regularly for months after I rediscovered Christ 2 years ago. I miss all of my friends back there, like Bao, Bev, Charm, Aika, Mandy, Henri, Jin, Mavah and the boys. I realized I've once again, for the 2nd time, I've failed in myself and my own faith. I don't read the bible anymore, I don't get a spiritual high, I don't get excited or intrigued when people discuss their faith, testimonies or encounters with Christ, nothing spiritual interests me any more like how it used to. 


Maybe I'm going to hell after all.
  • Current Mood: blank blank
Add to Memories Share

May 3rd, 2012

4

5/3/12 12:00 am
Add to Memories Share
Joy Division
Here's to the tears we've both poured out even as we tried so hard not to.
Here's to the overwhelming emptiness we've tried so hard to push away whenever we fight.
Here's to the happiness we've both given to each other,
And here's to the love we've both been feeling so much.

I never expected myself to go this far in a relationship with anyone, I guess I've underestimated my capability to, love??? I know we do share our fair amount of fights here and there and I never fail to be insecure and think that you'll leave me soon. But thank God for such a patient girlfriend like you, never failing to reassure me and to always be there for me, even if I'm in the worst of spirits. Only you are able to handle such a strange little bitch like me hehehe!! You're (saying this for the 402952094820th time but who the fuck cares) really really really the bestest friend and lover I'll ever find, there is no other like you.








Happy 4th my ugly girl, I love you so much  ♥
Add to Memories Share

April 30th, 2012

Tips for someone who never wears her heart on her sleeve

4/30/12 08:49 am
Add to Memories Share
Joy Division
  1. Should you ever find someone who may be worth it, quit building up that damned wall around that heart of yours
  2. Don't be afraid to love! It's such a wonderful feeling
  3. Don't be afraid to cry or get hurt, it'll be worth it. Life's about taking chances
  4. Stop worrying, it's no good for that weak heart of yours
  5. Be happy! Be sad! Be free my child! Love like you have never loved before! What's the point of holding back?!

Until you find someone who you know will be worth the hurt, please do not follow the above. 

Because I have and I've never felt so alive.
Add to Memories Share

April 20th, 2012

(no subject)

4/20/12 02:27 pm
Add to Memories Share
Jackass
start out sad and sorry
expect anger 
hope for forgiveness
expected
feel stupid for being all sad and hopeful in the first place
the first is ignored 
sympathy never happened
words that hurt like knives
we burn
ashes
Add to Memories Share

April 16th, 2012

(no subject)

4/16/12 09:04 pm
Add to Memories Share
Jackass
1st day of school: 17th April

I'm sure I can pull through 15 weeks without succumbing to it by partialling or skipping....
God please give me the strength and determination to do well and pull my GPA up this semester!!! 
  • Current Mood: hopeful hopeful
Add to Memories Share

self-consolation

4/16/12 07:33 pm
Add to Memories Share
Jackass
It's alright, in the end I'm simply going to prove everyone wrong. 
Add to Memories Share

April 13th, 2012

(no subject)

4/13/12 06:14 pm
Add to Memories Share
Jackass

So this is when I realize it's not you, it's me. I over analyze every situation, every movement and every word. I let my thoughts get the better of me and in the end, where does that lead me to? The road to emptiness lol.

La jalousie est très fatale

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Add to Memories Share

April 1st, 2012

(no subject)

4/1/12 01:15 pm
Add to Memories Share
Jackass

Trying my utmost hardest to push the thought out of my head.

If you keep thinking about it, rest assured that it is most likely to come true.

So please get out of my head.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Add to Memories Share

March 31st, 2012

I apologize

3/31/12 01:32 am
Add to Memories Share
Jackass
  1. For the things I've said that have hurt you
  2. For the things I've done that have hurt you
  3. For not being good enough
  4. For not being able to make your day infinitely
  5. For not being the best girlfriend
  6. For constantly ruining your mornings or nights
  7. For being so stubborn
  8. For constantly putting you in an awkward position where you really have nothing to say
  9. For making you cry so hard when you're one who hardly cries
  10. For breaking your heart
But...
  1. Those words didn't mean a thing, and if they did, it's because I care
  2. They weren't intentional, I was insensitive on my part
  3. I'm trying to be better for you
  4. I'm really trying to be better for you
  5. I just wish you would notice the effort I put in to be the best
  6. I really didn't mean to, things just happen to always fuck up for the both of us
  7. It's in my nature, and I'm trying to change
  8. I just need you to say something, sometimes, to make me feel better. But all I really need is your presence
  9. I'm not worth those tears, so why cry, love? 
  10. You just don't deserve this..
This entry just doesn't make sense now does it???

Recently, my entries have been really dark and depressing. I don't want to go back to the days where I mope and just dwell on the impossible, I really don't. I want to be happy and I want to make you happy too. I want to be the first in everything. Be it the loving or hating. I never want to let you go and damn it, why do I keep fucking things up? 
  • Current Mood: annoyed annoyed
Add to Memories Share
Powered by LiveJournal.com