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It's been awhile...

It's been awhile...

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I've not touched this space for a long time.. And who knew that the day when I finally write in my journal will be the day when I'm the saddest? It pains me to say this but I'm single now. The thing about being relationship for the first time is that everyone tells you how exciting it will be and how you'll feel so happy about everything and how that even if life throws you obstacles you get over it but with someone around to help you. But nobody tells you that being in a relationship, it brings a great amount of pain too. It's tough having to deal with the fighting, the crying, the petty squabbles and finally, the break up. NOBODY warns you about the shit you have to go through when you break up with someone that you've grown really attached to over a long period of time. It's probably easy if you've only been together for a few months but when it goes over a year, you've spent more than a tenth of a decade together, it's hard. It's hard to even do it, to say "it's over". You can't even come to terms with the fact you're going to be alone, let alone do anything. When you finally have to guts to say it, something brings you back to the person again but you know it's not the same anymore, it feels different and you have to go through the same painful process of breaking up again.

I feel that every relationship has phases and each phase has a deadline. By the time you reach that deadline, you'll have to move on to the next phase of the relatoinship. It's all about moving forward, you don't stay in the same place for too long, unless you're all about having a stagnant relationship then okay go ahead? But if you can't move forward I think the next thing to do is to be apart and figure out what you really want in life. We all need to grow and it's either you do it alone or together with somebody who's good for you.

I don't know how to get back on my feet without breaking down every 30 minutes. It's like "I'm single" omfg how do you do this again? It's so weird to be something that you've not been for more than a year. I think I need time to heal and feel liberated. I should spend time with my friends and catch up with those that I've forgotten. Yeah I'm an asshole but I honestly don't have a lot of friends to hang out with. I think I need a manual on how to be single again. Is there one? OH wait, there is,

Fucking hell how to be all fine and dandy like that bitch.
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